good advice

Don't let yourself be so afraid you're starting to fear fear itself. Love and hurt come hand in hand and so does happiness and sadness!

My friend told me this recently. I'm going to print and tape this onto my fridge so that I remember it everyday.

jump

Jump in with both feet, you tell me. Could you hold my hand when I do it?

Nothing that ever happens, is ever forgotten, even if you can't remember it.

- Oliver Sacks

someone like you

I wanted to hold on to you forever that night. I don't know why, but I thought that maybe you would let me in on your secret - how you could open your mouth so honestly and let your laughter ring through the restaurant while people turned to look at you, sharp elbows on the tablecloth and unapologetic red lips curved in a smile. So I let my fingers trace through your hair, and stared at the slivers of yellow crescent moons from the rotating lights in the room wavering on your irises before you blinked them away, hoping for something to come over me as well, so I could just be as open, just as unafraid.

home

About a year ago my friend told me something really important. I was feeling lost, lacking direction in my life and needed a place to anchor onto but regretted it all the same because I thought I was too homebound, paralyzed and not fearless enough to break out of old habits and to try something new. She told me that perhaps "home" wasn't a physical place, that it was more about being confident and knowing who you are, and the people you surrounded yourself with.

When I came back from Japan two summers ago I felt angry and sad and alone, that the home I had here didn't feel like one anymore when everything had stayed the same but I had changed so much. So perhaps home is really about carrying yourself in a way that fits you, and about your friends (the ones who hold your hand in the backseat of a cab, the ones who insist on calling you before you leave on trips, the ones who understand you and just listen). I take comfort in this because I want to travel and meet new people and try new things and to push myself out of my comfort zone, while holding onto something real and solid.

The people here smile like playing music is the only thing they want to do in the world. And the woman on stage - she hasn't experienced any of the things she's singing about, but she sings like she has - like she's you and me and everyone else in the room.

one more time

Could we walk down this street together one last time before I say goodbye? Let's walk around the sharp corner over here and wander past that lonely motorbike parked at the curb, look into that cafe window where we drank each other's tea (and spilled sugar all over the table), and stand on this exact spot underneath the ivy where we first met. I'd like to keep everything just like it is now, if you don't mind, so that I can keep falling in love with you in this memory.