transformation

What is transformation? I was talking to a colleague about this today - whether something like going abroad or a huge accomplishment like summiting a mountain 6000 metres high would radically change a person's values, behaviour, or perspective on life. Or do people, upon returning, slip back into old and familiar routines, and it was as if the person had never gone?

I learned about liminality today - the state of being neither here nor there.

I experienced this 6 years ago when I went backpacking for a month in Japan by myself. Those 4 weeks were both terrifying and exhilarating - not knowing the language, navigating different transportation systems, going to great lengths to attend not one but two concerts put on by obscure Japanese boyband, making friends at hostels, and marvelling at the beauty and complexity of the country. When I came back I felt like I was a completely different person. I was finally okay with being alone. I had a newfound sense of independence and control and self-efficacy. I had seen something in myself when I was there that I had never seen before.

Coming back was a jarring experience. I felt like shaking all of my friends and family by the shoulders. How could they have stayed the same when I had changed so much? Perhaps that was what this liminal state is. Neither here nor there - neither in Japan where I was person I could be proud of being, nor at home where I no longer fit in. It took me a while, but I adjusted.

Should I have stayed in that in between state? Maybe I should have continued to travel, or done something else other than graduate school, or whatever. Or maybe I didn't need to travel for that change to happen. Maybe, as my friend said, I was maturing and ready or on the cusp of change already, and going to Japan just made it easier.

I think I still believe in transformative experiences. Regardless if they take you down a different path or on the surface it seems like nothing has changed. All I know is that I'm grateful I've taken all those steps to where I am today.