no holding back

What do you do when she's in front of you on her knees, holding on to your hands until her knuckles are white?

What do you do when he shows you the part of himself that he hates? The part of himself that he's most proud of?

What do you do when they whisper in your ear their greatest secret?

You claim them. Tear their flesh out. Devour every tendon, bone, and muscle until there's nothing left. And then you can go to sleep, full and satisfied, but lonely as hell.

I want to just be, and nothing else.

I'm through

"I'm going out again tonight 
The first time in the longest time
He holds the door and holds my hand
But doesn't feel like you

We laugh at all the people in
The restaurant across from us
He talks a lot but not too much
But doesn't sound like you

I know there'll come a time again
When everything will fit right in
And I won't have to see your face
In strangers on the street

But I would rather feel the sting
Than never to have felt a thing
I'll always know you were the one
To rip me from the ground

It's all because of you that I'm through."


This feels really close. But because it's been such a long time it's more uplifting than sad for me. Sometimes I wonder if our past relationships are a reminder to us that we can become better people.

I look at myself from 6 years ago, and she seems so foreign to me. I wouldn't be able to pick her out from a crowd. She's weak. She's scared, but not the kind that got her to actually do things. She lies to herself, all of the time.

As trite as this sounds, I've become a stronger person. I'm more assertive, I take more risks, and I do things that scare me. It took a break-up that nearly ripped me apart, a trip abroad by myself, and the realization that I was okay with being alone, to be able to see better the value I have as a person.